Infused with wisdom and a strong dose of humor, Making Hostile Words Harmless offers therapists and their clients a unique collection of effective exercises and bully-busting responses guaranteed to diffuse difficult exchanges. Filled with helpful tools, the book uses the martial art of Aikido, or the 'way of harmony' to teach the 'verbal arts' of confirming, inquiring, understanding, and evoking.

Table of Contents:
Case Stories xi Introduction xiii Acknowledgments xxi Chapter 1 Difficult People and the Art of Aikidō 1 Martial Arts—East Does Not Meet West 2 Verbal Arts 3 Instinctual Reactions 4 Turning the Spotlight 5 Response versus Reaction 6 Chapter 2 Acting as If—The Art of Confirming 9 What and Why of Confirming 10 Art of Agreement 11 Speak It as You Want It 13 Counting on Compliments 16 Drama Is Worth a Thousand Words 22 Reverse Resistance with Psychology 24 Exercise 25 All-Purpose Confirmations 27 Chapter 3 Asking Questions—The Art of Inquiry 31 Dialogues 32 Pseudoquestions 34 Asking Questions to Avoid Assumptions 35 Asking Hidden Questions to Promote Contemplation 37 Spotlight Effect 38 Asking Questions to Prevent Prying 39 Asking Questions to Evoke Inquiry 41 Asking Questions that Give People a False Choice 44 Asking Questions that Predict Success 46 Exercise 47 All-Purpose Questions 49 Chapter 4 Active Listening—The Art of Understanding 51 How Listening Became Active 52 Therapeutic Triangles—Reflect Harsh Words Away from Targets 58 Narrating Behavior and Diction 59 Naming the Game 61 Filial Therapy Narrations 62 Refinement of Active Listening 64 Active Listening Add-Ons 65 Active Listening for Empowerment 67 Exercise 71 Advantages of Active Listening 73 Chapter 5 Hypnosis and Humor—The Art of Evoking 75 Modern Hypnotherapy 76 Hypnotic Basics in the Verbal Arts 78 Advanced Hypnotic Patterns 79 Exercise 95 Comedy Connection 97 Chapter 6 Taking a Stand by Opposing 101 ‘‘I’’ Position 102 Taking a Stand Effortlessly 103 Disagreeing Effortlessly 108 Handling a Backlash 109 Buber Takes a Stand 111 Chapter 7 Teaching Positive Speaking to Clients 115 Positive Speaking Training Steps 115 Aikidō Cross Training (Step 5) 117 Positive Speaking for Interpersonal Issues 118 Interference from Inner Bullies 120 Limits of Positive Speaking 122 Goals of Positive Speaking 124 Maintaining Balance with High-Wire Families 125 Chapter 8 Workshops on Positive Speaking 129 Bonus: For Practice or Presentations 130 Possible Workshop Titles 130 Program Description 131 Learning Objectives 132 Materials 133 Scripted Program Outline 133 Quiz 143 Feedback Form 148 Handout 149 Questionnaire 150 Cruel Comments Worksheet 150 Quiz Answers 155 Appendix A Verbal Arts Terms 159 Appendix B All-Purpose One-Liners 165 Appendix C Psychotherapy Approaches Referenced in the Text 167 References 171 About the Author 173 Index 175