Caring for an elderly family member can be overwhelming. But fulfilling life experiences are still possible for both caregivers and their loved ones, despite the stress and fatigue of caregiving. Even an elderly spouse, parent, or other family member who is significantly impaired or increasingly dependent can enjoy simple pleasures and share their joy and wisdom. In this book, Ann Kaiser Stearns explores the practical and personal challenges of both caregiving and successful aging. In her engaging, conversational tone, Stearns shares stories and lessons from many resilient caregivers. She couples findings from the latest research with powerful insights and problem-solving tips to help caregivers achieve the best life possible for those they care for-and for themselves as they age. Topics include* improving the quality of life for the one giving and the one receiving care* distinguishing normal aging from early warning signs * understanding caregiver sadness, resentment, guilt, and grief* using strategies and skills to minimize an impaired elder's distress and emotional outbursts and the caregiver's own anxieties about growing old* finding resources to aid in the care of the loved one and protect the caregiver from stress overload * moving forward after the death of a loved one to have a meaningful life of one's own * overcoming ageist stereotypes and deciding what kind of "old person" one will be* making life easier for those who someday will care for us Redefining Aging will help readers think differently about caregiving and their own aging. It will also help them empathize with and interact positively with their elderly loved ones while imagining a positive future for themselves.

Table of Contents:
Foreword, by J. Raymond DePaulo, Jr. Preface Acknowledgments 1. The Challenge A Blessing or a Burden? Caregiving Whether Spouse or Parent—Feelings of Loss or Resentment The Perils of "John Henryism" Having the Strength and Wisdom to Seek and Accept Support Anxiety about Our Own Aging 2. On Both Sides, Vulnerability and Loss Caring for a Spouse Loving the Changed Spouse Caring for a Parent Blessings, Sorrows, and Axes to Grind A Word of Caution Seeing the Big Picture Mixed Lessons from Our Elders on Growing Old Few Regrets "Tuning Up" for Old Age "Happiness Is a Choice" Drawing Strength from Nature's Beauty 3. Is This Normal Aging or Dementia? Normal Aging Cherry Marquez Major Confusion and Behavioral Change Harry's Story Bella The Importance of Planning Ahead before It's Too Late Some Additional Red Flags Optimal Aging You Can Be Realistic and Optimistic 4. Aging as Successfully as Possible—Both You and Your Loved One The Four Ages of Life When Old Age Is in the Eye of the Beholder The Importance of Rejecting Ageism Learning from the Masters Downing Kay: Born in 1907, Still Aging Well "Growing and Learning All the Time" You Can Reduce Your Risk Factors for Dementia Caregiver Self-Care The Importance of Sleep and Social Activities You Can Improve Your Loved One's Quality of Life The Quality of Your Life Matters, Too 5. Anger, Guilt, and Resentment John's Story Naomi's Story Sophia's Story Susan's Story To Reduce Feelings of Resentment, Budget Your "Emotional Hospitality" 6. Caregiver Stress—What Helps and What Usually Doesn't The Stress of Caring for a Family Member with Mild Cognitive Impairments Dealing with a Difficult, Dependent Person Lillian's Dad Janet, Daniel, and Myra's Mother Honoring Our Parents Most People Can't Afford Paid Help The ABCs of Effective Caregiving Interactions Intensive Caregivers Take Advantage of the Many Available Resources What to Say When Others Offer to Help or Would Help If You Asked Just Don't Wait Until You're Burned Out 7. Comforting Insights and Myth-Busting Knowledge Myth #1 Myth #2 Myth #3 Myth #4 8. You're Not a Bad Person Because You're Exhausted or Just Need a Life of Your Own Cindy's Challenge Michelle Carter A Final Thought 9. Truly Helpful Caregiving Tips When Your Family Member or Friend Is Newly Diagnosed Creative Interventions for Handling Hallucinations, Imaginings, and Paranoia Yes, There Can Be Too Much of a Good Thing Avoiding the "Catastrophic" Situation "Feeling Overwhelmed Isn't Surprising, Being Surprised about It Is" 10. When Your Loved One Dies—Relief, Grief, and Moving Forward Joyce and Her Mom Joanne and Her Husband Anticipatory Mourning and Feelings of Relief Sam and His Wife Joanne and Sam 11. What Kind of an "Old Person" Will I /Will You Become? Facing Our Worst Fears "Stereotype Threat" Aging Successfully Making Choices Adapting to Change There Are Many Ways to "Retire"—Be Sure to Choose the Right One for You A "Convoy" of Supportive People 12. Making Life Easier for Those Who Someday Will Take Care of You "Habits of a Lifetime" My Neighbor Attention Family Members: Most Folks Don't Get Dementia! If Help Is Needed—at Home or in a Facility—Here's What Your Loved Ones Need to Know "Be Like the Sun" Gerald: Still Thriving but Planning Ahead Protecting Our Loved Ones and Helping Them Protect Us The Documents You Need and Where to Keep Them Long-Term Care Insurance Bruce: Affirming Life, Planning Ahead The Gift to Our Loved Ones of Living an Active Life A Meaningful Life The Many Rewards of Caregiving Epilogue Appendixes A. Helpful Books and Videos B. Additional Resources C. Legal and Financial Resource Guide Notes Index